INTERVIEW: A Tale of 2 Million Brothels

By The Onion at 12:41 PM 5/30/2020 (PDT)

Reporters were able to get an exclusive on how JCC Bloc 2 felt about recent events.

Nils: The soldiers have burned down 2 million brothels. They might now have been some of the highest quality brothels if they burned down that fast.

How do you feel about what is going on in committee?

Governor of Macau: Concerned about the statements by the Chinese about the statement to attack Macau. Great fret to the Portugeuse empire. Not quite certain about some plans to take over Singapore.

What are your statements about the ~unethical~ activities of the soldiers?

Governor of Macau: Completely horrendous, I am utterly disgusted. I agree with some of the other delegates that actions must be taken to stop them from doing these unethical and disturbing things like burning down so many brothels.

How did you feel about the number 2 million?

Governor of Macau: That is far too many brothels to be burned down. Our soldiers are truly out of line in doing this, actions must be taken.

After returning from the interview, we were greeted with a fevered “LET’S LACE DOG TREATS WITH OPIUM” from, you guessed it, the Ordance dude followed by a “why opium, we need to think bigger… what about acid?!” by the Representative of Dent and Co. who I suppose no longer makes sense… unfortunate.

Moments later, an ENFURIATED Nils Berzins made an appearance:

Nils: Ok it is time for lunch and we will be ending committee based on dias discretion and the discretion of all other overpowering beings. We will now vote, it passes with an overrwhelllmingggg majority. Lunch is now in session, get out of my call!

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