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OPINION: ships don't lie, they never do

By The Onion at 10:25 AM 5/31/2020 (PDT)

While the discussions in the Cabinet are rather mundane and calm (they almost put our reporters to sleep), some underlying tensions seemed to be present. Despite talking about prisons and torture, some delegates turned discussions around to vote on a DOC known as “ships don’t lie, more British citizens don’t die.” While behind the scenes, delegates are sucked into a mind-numbing void of aggressive/fevered typing, when together, they agree on issues and wish to provide funding to the naval vessels of the UK government. I think it seems likely for the UK to act in this kind of way. They only care about their image, they told the UN that they were gentle and friendly people while they began an hour long discussion of the best means of torture as soon as the UN left. The corruption within this cabinet is worrying and some actions of the members suggest that many must be taking their own interests as priority when planning for action to be taken. The British, or at least some of the British, seem to be coming for the world and we should all be very scared.

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