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Ordnance? More Like Opiumance...

By The Onion at 11:58 AM 5/30/2020 (PDT)

The General of Ordnance wants to introduce opium to the people of Macau. This delegate seems like the lead commander of Bloc 2 of the JCC’s operations, but The Onion doubts his ability to lead effectively… interesting choice on Bloc 2’s part. At one point he stated, in the middle of one of his speeches, “screw it, let’s just use direct force.” The Onion is a bit worried about these military strategies, we doubt this will end well. While the delegates are using direct force to seize what we can only assume is territory, the dias spoke about the boredom of soldiers, the crumbling economy, and how “soldiers are doing very unpleasant things throughout Calcuta.” One can only ponder what that is supposed to mean.

The bloc tried to smuggle opium into China ending in an unfortunate turn of events where they were defeated by opium sniffing dogs. After every attempt to do something, the soldiers are either brutally murdered. One speaker in particular, the Representative of Dent and Co. seems to be making sense. She spoke about how strategy was important and everyone in the committee should respond to the crisis cautiously. While the rest of the delegates spoke on about how brutal force was necessary, this delegate recognized that ships were being captured and that would be harmful to the bloc. Another delegate, the Governer or Macau, began passionately on how the soldiers were getting bored and ended by saying that “[the committee] should do something.”

After being told that they were not allowed to attack islands, all sounds died out while delegates feverly typed out their plans in the chat. For the sake of this article’s reader, The Onion will not reveal these plans but would like to point that they are linked to tadpoles… that is all.

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