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The redbull-drinking, muffin-eating Vancouver: and other Cabinet adventures

By The Onion at 9:54 AM 5/31/2020 (PDT)

Bright and early Sunday morning, Margret Thatcher's Cabinet had quite a rocky start where their six delegates in the waiting room quickly went down to four (and then three and then two and then…). After these number issues were figured out and the ministers were admitted into the (Zoom) room, the Director, Mr. John Van Monday, chugged a Redbull to start off his cabinet’s discussions. It seems yesterday the Cabinet got around to drafting some peculiar OIC/DOC (orders in council/documents of the committee), one of which mentioned the issue of the “ENRAGED” soldiers. After moving into a perpetual moderated caucus, the first speech discussed how the delegate “[does] not know what to do about the crisis” in a worrying rant. Moments later, the Secretary of State for Industry gave a motivational and riveting speech on how the Cabinet should do what is best for Great Britain.

After everyone recovered from the glittering motivation from the Secretary for Industry, a delegate incorrectly used the acronyms “OIC” and “DOC.” This is when the calm and chill Director went into a vengeful fury. He reiterated the ROP, reminding them what acronyms they were supposed to use and threatened to mute them if they spoke even a millisecond over one minute. When approached about his aggression, he asked reporters “have u never seen me chair im so mean.” This reporter has high hopes for the Queen’s Cabinet as long as power is kept away from the “mean” director.

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