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UNSC in danger of not passing resolution due to a shortage of signatories

By The Onion at 11:36 AM 5/31/2020 (PDT)

After a day riddled with technological issues yesterday, it seems that the UNSC has miraculously written a resolution, but they have been plagued with only four (4) signatories instead of the minimum of five (5). Moments later, the list of signatories miraculously disappeared. This reporter wishes the committee the best of luck and hopes you all do the same. They will definitely need it as the director “added some grammatical errors” to the paper… a bit suspicious. What more, the director told reporters, Sunday, that “this is the UNSC. We don’t pass resolutions. We just argue and veto,” so some corruption and foul play is definitely afoot.

Momentarily, the committee began reading through their resolution in a slow, robotic manner taking up hours and hours of the session doing so. After the UNSC finallyyyyy got through reading their paper, the United States, channeling all its conceited P5 energy, disrupted the entire committee to badger the sponsors about adding the word “suggest” to one (1) clause of the resolution. Furthermore, almost every single country in the UNSC refused to cooperate and asked the sponsors to explain every. Single. Clause. Thus haltering progress even further. Reporters truly believe this is the work of the director’s persistence to encourage lack of cooperation and control in the UNSC.

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